Meredith Barnes Writer

Mer Rugby Stripe dress on Rust Stairs

Hi.

Welcome to my blog. I'm so excited to share with you my latest finds and feels.

Smell stops me in my steps. I lean in, closer to the source, and take a deep breath. I’d like to say it elicits a memory but no story comes forward. Perhaps a feeling? Even that is inaccurate. Familiar and comforting—it wraps around my se

Sep 16

Sep 16

Meredith Barnes

The smoke. Its odor wakes me. A reminder of all that is lost. I grimace each time someone suggests it can’t get worse, looking to the sky for bits of blue atmosphere and white cloud to sprinkle down, leaving vacant black abyss in its wake

Sep 14

Sep 14

Meredith Barnes

An early morning run to watch the sun rise. A second morning run when not-so-little-anymore feet request. Coffee, shared with a one year old I can’t stop calling baby—who only sniffs, never sips. The feeling. The feeling of content

Sep 11

Sep 11

Meredith Barnes

It is not my worry that wakes me, but it is my worry that keeps me awake. I stay undercover for as long as I can, willing tired eyes—relent to rest. I raise my white flag with a final toss of crisp sheets.  Each “what-if” piling ont

Sep 9

Sep 9

Meredith Barnes

Small fingers trace an unseen route on my skin. We are counting freckles and I laugh between the tickles of the trail. The realization, there are too many—just like stars in the night sky—for his little mind to count. He is undeterred.

Sep 7

Sep 7

Meredith Barnes

It is in the back of my closet, sometimes the front. It’s home unclear as I keep it for memory not use. Made of sacrificial silkworms and factory hands, a dress that’s value is in who wore it last. I cannot release these things that Sarah

Sep 4

Sep 4

Meredith Barnes

A blue wall with a word: KIND. White overalls and that baby that follows me everywhere. It compromises the image to keep the kind word in. So I zoom in, editing out what is kind, as is the way these days.  Result trumps process

Sep 3

Sep 3

Meredith Barnes

Comfort is a sedative to my faith.  It is only in pain that I am brought to realize I am not in control. I cannot will it, fix it, move it, cure it .  Just as my temptation is to shake my fist at a God who would allow the ach

Aug 31

Aug 31

Meredith Barnes

All these roads, like veins. Coursing through the southern coast, of a state I spent so long saying wasn’t mine. When I returned to California, to the town of my childhood ghosts, I wondered if my presence would feel like regression. Woul

Aug 28

Aug 28

Meredith Barnes

Maybe this isn’t your thing, but I want to be liked. By you, by my husband, by my friends, by my children, by the stranger driving next to me on the road.  This desire leads me to do things that, in fact, make many people like me. D

Aug 28

Aug 28

Meredith Barnes

Salt water stings my eyes. Knowing I can’t, I employ all my motherly powers and attempt to see both the shore behind me and the waves from the deep. I have a child in both places. One who was born to dance in the face of spray and current

Aug 24

Aug 24

Meredith Barnes

Get the car keys. Put the baby in the car seat, fortified with snacks, water and the funny toy remote control that plays obnoxious music.  Drive. Up into the hills of Los Feliz where the curves are so sharp and the streets are so na

Aug 19

Aug 19

Meredith Barnes

What’s the worst that can happen?  I saw a meme joking that people will stop saying that after living through this year. We are living through the perceived worst case scenario. And while I have full confidence it can continue to

Aug 17

Aug 17

Meredith Barnes

I want to help.  That wasn’t my intention.  I didn’t mean it that way.  You don’t understand.  As I’ve been doing some self examination in the past months it’s come to my attention that intention can be a hurdle to gr

Aug 14

Aug 14

Meredith Barnes

I say this to my oldest son regularly. We can be in the middle of a fun activity and suddenly his face will turn towards me and he will ask me what he can do next. He has already removed himself from the present and is worrying about the

Aug 12

Aug 12

Meredith Barnes

We got a new tree. It’s a crepe myrtle and in the weeks between ordering it and actually obtaining the tree I would notice all the other crepe myrtles in our neighborhood. There are many. Some have multiple trunks, others only one. They b

Aug 10

Aug 10

Meredith Barnes

My 3 year old has started repeating the phrase “I go where you go Mom”. Sounds cute, right? Except sometimes I’m going to get away. Sometimes I’m going to the bathroom. Sometimes I’m not going anywhere. There is an unconditional commitmen

Aug 7

Aug 7

Meredith Barnes

I want everyone to feel included. As I’ve talked about before, my childhood was unconventional. I couldn’t quite figure out where I belonged or how to make friends. Eventually I got better at belonging. I tried on a bunch of personalities

Aug 5

Aug 5

Meredith Barnes

According to the internet tea tree oil can be used as a hand sanitizer, natural deodorant, bug repellent, all purpose cleaner and skin cleanser. So when I saw a face wash with tea tree oil, I bought it. I was excited to get home and try m

Aug 3

Aug 3

Meredith Barnes

We started out on a new path for our morning walk. It was paved and landscaped for both bikers and pedestrians. So inviting we decided to follow it further, looking forward to the next adventure but also having a preconceived idea of what

Jul 31

Jul 31

Meredith Barnes