I always hated group projects in school. Inevitably someone ended up doing most of the work. People didn’t agree. There was a lot of wasted time trying to sort out who would do what. It always felt like a lot of work for little result.

Group projects never made sense to me. It seemed a poor way of determining each person’s merit within the class. How were you to really know if everyone understood the assignment or if a few individuals just took over to get it done?

And then I got married. Let me tell you, my marriage is one big group project. And I didn’t realize it until 6 years deep (that’s this year). Ben travels for work. What that means is that some weeks he is out of town and I am single parenting. Some weeks he is in town and I am co-parenting. When he is gone, it all rests on me. If there are dishes in the sink, I know who put them there. If there is a messy house, I know it’s my responsibility to clean it up. If there is a child melting down, I know I can’t punt the problem. I have to dig in.

When Ben is here it’s different. Dishes in the sink can trigger me. It seems harder to get out the door on time. One parent’s reaction to a melt down is completely different to the others. It’s complicated. Sometimes it feels like a lot of work for little result. Sometimes I think life feels more organized when it’s just me (spoken from a true control freak). But I know that’s not the best way (plus I love my husband).

In embracing the group project of our children and working with Ben I am embracing living outside of only serving myself. I am learning patience, persistence, communication and humility.

Now, as I look back, I realize that group projects are not really about the material, but more about preparing us for all the people we will run into throughout our lives. Some will want to do the work the way we do. Others will have a completely different angle. Some will just show up in time to put their name on the paper. It doesn’t matter what the other group members decide to do, what matters is I learn to work with others. Trust me there are weeks in my marriage and parenting where I just want to show up and put my name on the paper. Don’t we all?