This past weekend I spoke at a women's retreat for my church. I had only been asked to do this about 5 days in advance so I didn't have much time to worry about all the things you worry about before standing in front of a group and speaking. Nonetheless as the day got closer and I planned to share my recent experience with multiple miscarriages I got nervous. I really didn't want to get emotional and weep. 

I read through what I was going to say several times in order to be prepared and attempt to desensitize myself to the emotion behind the words. The morning of the talk I was telling myself all the things you say when someone is anxious about public speaking when I clearly heard the words "stop worrying about what you want to do or feel in this moment and let God use this moment". 

So often we want it to be all about us. We are the centers of our own universe. It's hard to truly look around and realize we are one part of a greater scape. 

The talk went fine. I teared up. I shared. I was vulnerable. Some women gave me encouraging words. But the truth is I don't know how God used that moment of my discomfort and I don't need to. I just need to be willing to show up and be used. There is something freeing in not having it be all about ME.