I Want to Be Like Mila: Learning to Give Thanks in All Circumstances
“She’s the greatest mom, I go to work every day, and I come home and she’s perfect. And it just seems like everything went amazing. And I know that something probably didn’t go amazing, but she never tells. It’s unbelievable. She’s incredible.” I remember the first time I heard these words. I was sitting on the couch, watching TV, probably in the clothes I went running in earlier that morning, with a big fat ungrateful heart. Motherhood—I did not enter into it gracefully. And I have continued to not live up to the words spoken above. The good news? These words weren’t spoken by Ben and they weren’t spoken about me. They were shared by Ashton Kutcher about Mila Kunis, a new mom at the time. Nonetheless, the words continue to convict me of a heart that gripes.
Ashton shared these words more than two years ago and yet, when I sit down today to write, they are still reverberating in the recesses of my mind. I want credit for being a mom. I want credit for every mishap that occurred on my watch, all the fires I put out. I want recognition for what I’m doing. And the way I’ve chosen to get the accolades I think I deserve is by shouting from the rooftops all the setbacks that I deal with each day.
The week that Ben returned to work after the birth of our first child I was a wreck. I was ill prepared for a baby that didn’t nap for longer than 20 minutes at a time. I was frustrated that he would cry and cry and cry and he hadn’t come with instructions. Mothering did not come as naturally to me as I had hoped. When I called Ben at work to complain I don’t know who’s wailing was louder, mine or the babies.
When I quit working to be a stay-at-home mom I didn’t realize how much of my worth was tied to what I did. I underestimated the value I placed on myself based on my occupation, as well as the value others placed on me for my career path. And then, suddenly, the answer to What do you do? became I’m a mom. The first several years of a child’s life, mom’s are a slave to their baby’s needs and in the middle of this labor of love babies don’t have either the words or the cognizance to say thank you for the work it takes to care for them. My oldest was four years old the first time he told me you’re doing a good job Mom.
I developed a pattern of ingratitude for my new position as mom. The problem with ingratitude is that it feeds on itself. It blocks my vision from the blessings that surround me. There is always something to complain about if I look close enough. Knowing this, i attempt to see all the things that I am grateful for rather than all the things I am not.
Every time Ben leaves the house, whether for work or play, my objective upon his return is to not complain. To not have had anything go wrong or to absorb the missteps while he is gone without complaint upon his return. To have a house that is peaceful and clean when he walks through the door. I want to be Mila Kunis. Yet, as most mom’s know, every time Ben leaves something goes terribly wrong. Someone poops their pants and gets it all over the house. Someone falls and seriously hurts themselves. Or any other combination. And so the excuse to complain is extended and I take it greedily.
Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5:18
My life isn’t that bad. No wait, my life is great! Really it is. So why complain? Am I doing the work for the credit or for the love. The love of my children. The love of Ben. The love of a God who chose me—the mom who wants all the credit. Day by day I remind myself that a focus on love is the antidote to a thankless spirit. I find small words of thanks to whisper even when my heart wants to complain. Motherhood brings me to my knees and I answer the call. Humbled. Reminded as I bend to clean the errant cheerios that this posture has the power to lead me closer to Him.
It is my pride that pulls me both toward and away from complaints at the end of the day. My pride tells me I can and should be the best mom out there. If Mila can do it, I can too. My pride also tells me I deserve the credit of a hard day's work. The answer is not in whether I share or don’t share the day's challenges with Ben or anyone else. The challenge is to walk through my day with a focus on the grace I have received and thus am compelled to share with those in my life. To find thanks in all circumstances.
This post was inspired by Strong Brave and Beautiful: Stories of Hope For Moms in the Weeds. To purchase the book click on the image above.
